Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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