i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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