doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
