I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
