I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
