He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
