Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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