man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
