remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
