so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
