On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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