i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
