Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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