have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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