Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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