i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
