Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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