The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
