Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
