He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
