so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
