stop calling my apartment porn island.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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