update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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