so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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