Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
