his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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