dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
