It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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