The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My life is pants optional.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
