he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
