Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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