at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
