I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
