Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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