there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
