He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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