Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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