Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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