I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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