Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need to align my fucking chakras
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
