Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
