I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
