all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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