this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
