it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
