I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
