Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
