you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
