Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
