dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
