im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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