God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
