My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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